So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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