Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
