I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
