I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
