Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I need a beard to bite.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Idk if I want to put a bra on
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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