Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Randomize
