Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
