I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
where are you?
Hypothermia
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
