just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
