I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
