Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
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i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
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I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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