he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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