then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
