girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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