Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Houston, we have a blender
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
