Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
