it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
