Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
