dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
