first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
