How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
