Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I've blown a few things in my day
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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