I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
