I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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