Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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