But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
me + whiskey = a bad person
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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