i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
