she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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