You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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