I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
How does one acquire holy water?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
