R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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