They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You took a bar mat shot.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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