am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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