I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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