dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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