I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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