I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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