I'm jealous of your bromance
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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