is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
