Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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