That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I need to stop coming to work sober
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
