It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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