I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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