What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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