she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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