i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You are the jesus of drinking
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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