oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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