If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Barsexuality is the new black.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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