you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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