things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
