so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
