woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You took a bar mat shot.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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