His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
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you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize