peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Farmville is her only friend.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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