I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize