Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
