Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
