No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
