Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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