I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
