At least make sure they are 18
Why
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
farters have to be the big spoon...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just invented taco cereal.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
