I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
