Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
