I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
