i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
