I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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