shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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