Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
