he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
