I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
