yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
