how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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