I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
