so explain again why im purple
no
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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