Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
