Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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