Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize