So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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